Blended Family

Still blending over here.

Blended families. I hate the phrase, but until we can come up with a better one. There it is.

I have found as a step-mother, that there is very little I can do to control how my step-children feel about me. There are so many elements at play beyond my control that my only choice is to cross my fingers, and hope for the best.

One thing I have learned lately… I can’t parent them the same way.

You can yell at your own kids for leaving their shit all over the house and it’s okay. Well, Benjamin is used to it anyway. He knows that if he leaves a pile of his stuff in the middle of the kitchen floor after school “mom will freak out.” Then he glares at me, tells me I am being mean (rightfully so) and huffs off. But, when I scold Lily and Cohen for the same offense their reaction is looking at me with darted eyes filled with fear. I immediately feel terribly and wish I could recant.

Their relationship with their mother dictates my relationship with them.

This revelation has been like finding a clue in the midst of a dark, dark cave of the unknown. Now there is a little sliver of light to a better understanding and I only hope I can find more and turn on more lights before they are teenagers and all hell breaks loose.

Until then, would you look at this bunch?

TheKids--blended family

All big and stuff. My amazing husband took this picture, running down to capture them on the fence before their first day of fifth and third grades.

xoxo,

Alaina (the evil step-mother).

Compromises

“Do you think you’d be able to get into another long term relationship if I died?” She asks, paintbrush in hand, priming on the intricate diamond pattern playroom doors.

“Fuck no. I’m gonna grow my beard duck dynasty long, start chain smoking, and Read More…

The big yellow house.

Living in a 1200 square foot house with four children, patient one of them a newborn, a 78 pound dog and a husband-man may be tolerable for some, but this mama was losing hope of ever having a private moment in the bathroom again, let alone a quiet moment in any room. We could hear the children constantly, no matter what room we tucked them into.

But our effort to find a larger and affordable alternative seemed futile. Every one of our Zillow searches produced the same results. McMansion A or McMansion B. Same houses, different suburb and nothing at all appealing to us.

Seth and I both grew up in century-old houses with solid wood floors, creaky doors, quiet nooks and massive wooded yards. In our childhood homes, imaginations could run wild and we were constantly entertained. A newer house without history, solid floors and a private yard was out of the question.

So, refusing to settle, we waited.

When Foster arrived our online searches became more frequent. 1200 square feet now felt like 800 and we were literally tripping over each other. And then we found it.

The big, yellow house.

We were both shocked that it was actually available. It has to be sold, we thought. This listing can’t be accurate. We scoured through the listing, trying to figure out why no one had snagged her up. Yes, the rooms were old. Yes, it needed work – but “Hello, World!” would you look at her?

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When we walked in for a showing, the realtor didn’t have much of a sales pitch.  Read More…

Flying

We have been too busy living to blog.

But here is a picture of my sweetest little Foster.

FosterSweetFaceEveryone has adjusted to his presence. All three of his brothers and sisters adore him.

And Archer is always near (this shot is from yesterday)

Foster and Archer

FosterandArcherStretch

Life is just flying by and there hasn’t been enough time to blog. That’s not okay… this is my forced journalling, store buy really. If I don’t do it here, I don’t do it anywhere and then all is lost. The details that make up the memories will be harder to patch together later.

xoxo

Alaina

Lovely love, love, love.

I am behind on pictures (these are from his two week birthday) and things are busy because this little guy is an eating machine. To say he is remarkable is an understatement. Newborns are just so… perfect.

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He is as calm as a baby can be, health considering all of the growing he’s doing. I am convinced that’s the Seth in him.

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And all of that curiosity…

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20131008-130610.jpgMore later, I’m sure. Will keep posting pictures as often as I can.

xoxo,

Alaina

 

Mr. Foster Gray

Foster will be making his debut in five weeks.

As a result, visit web more about I have a serious case of nesting. Not only at home, physician but at work. With the business being my business and all, information pills I have to make sure all of the ducks are in a row. Fortunately, I have hired an amazing team and they are already proving that they’ll be just fine without me. At home, Seth and I have purged every nook and cranny and we even have the children on a strict chore chart. Turns out they are completely capable of vacuuming, dusting, polishing and even picking up after themselves.

In the quiet moments Benjamin and I have together, he rests his hand and head on my belly and waits for Foster kicks. When he feels one his entire face lights up in awe. I tried to capture it with my camera, but only caught this moment – just after the face lighting up. Here he is just calmly listening and feeling, waiting for another…

Big brother feeling baby

I am sure it is a common feeling for the mother of one to wonder what Read More…

The finish line

10 days until our official due date…

I am hanging on by a thread in the sanity department. I just want to be back to my normal self, stuff physician walking at a quick pace, off from one place to the next and wearing whatever I want. Right now, I’m lucky if I can get from my car to the office without being short of breath and I am down to about four outfits that are acceptable for public consumption.

On the bright side, I was a nesting fool before I came to this screeching halt, so, we’re as prepared as we can be for the home birth and for Foster. If you can really be prepared for either.

They will both be firsts for me– a birth at home and having a child with someone I love. I imagine both unpredictable experiences daily and feel as equally exhilarated as I do terrified. Will we ever sleep again? Will the kids adjust okay? Will Seth and I ever get time to ourselves? Yes. Yes. And, yes, I tell myself. But am I just lying to myself– did we ignore all of these obvious things when we decided to have another? Seth says all of our questions will be answered the moment we see his face. And, as always, he’s absolutely right. Knowing this is all happening for a reason and knowing that fear had no place in our decision assures me that everything will be more than fine.

Remarkable, really, how life just comes at you, like a wave.

I am a woman of few words as of late and have been extremely antisocial. I can say this- I miss you World and will be rejoining you very shortly in my skinny jeans back and with an extremely adorable baby on my hip.

xoxo,

Alaina

 

I love…

We can smell spring on the horizon, capsule web in spite of the four inches on the ground when we woke up to this morning.

WinterinOhio

Spring is there, on the horizon, waiting to begin.

Thanks to Seth, I sleep in now more often than not. On one such morning I woke up feeling exceptionally happy. Not thanks to a refreshing sleep–my dreams had been too intense to allow such a luxury–but thanks to the birds. I could hear them singing outside of our window for the first time in months and months. Countless mornings without them had left me forgetting how beautiful they sound, as I do every Winter.

Typically, I am not a morning person. But on this morning I was walking on air. Sunlight, that magical thing that alludes us this time of year in Ohio, also came that day.

We have been busy nesting in these past few months because I am pregnant. I have been waiting to tell you until the all clear from the doctor. Now at 13 weeks we can safely announce that there is indeed a little life growing inside of me at this very moment.

Like the birds singing, I had nearly forgotten the feeling of knowing life is brewing inside of me. Only this time, it is completely different. First of all, we planned this creation. That’s the first. And then there about a million others too hard to describe. While I was a happy mother to be with Benjamin, I was scared
We can smell spring on the horizon, ampoule in spite of the four inches on the ground when we woke up to this morning.

WinterinOhio

Spring is there, pill on the horizon, waiting to begin.

Thanks to Seth, I sleep in now more often than not. On one such morning I woke up feeling exceptionally happy. Not thanks to a refreshing sleep–my dreams had been too intense to allow such a luxury–but thanks to the birds. I could hear them singing outside of our window for the first time in months and months. Countless mornings without them had left me forgetting how beautiful they sound, as I do every Winter.

Typically, I am not a morning person. But on this morning I was walking on air. Sunlight, that magical thing that alludes us this time of year in Ohio, also came that day.

We have been busy nesting in these past few months because I am pregnant. I have been waiting to tell you until the all clear from the doctor. Now at 13 weeks we can safely announce that there is indeed a little life growing inside of me at this very moment.

Like the birds singing, I had nearly forgotten the feeling of knowing life is brewing inside of me. Only this time, it is completely different. First of all, we planned this creation. That’s the first. And then there about a million others too hard to describe. While I was a happy mother to be with Benjamin, I was scared and fearful of what the future would bring with
We can smell spring on the horizon, illness in spite of the four inches on the ground when we woke up to this morning.

WinterinOhio

Spring is there, on the horizon, waiting to begin.

Thanks to Seth, I sleep in now more often than not. On one such morning I woke up feeling exceptionally happy. Not thanks to a refreshing sleep–my dreams had been too intense to allow such a luxury–but thanks to the birds. I could hear them singing outside of our window for the first time in months and months. Countless mornings without them had left me forgetting how beautiful they sound, as I do every Winter.

They say it will be 57 and sunny on Friday… when we are 45, when the kids are 18 and off on their own, we both want to move somewhere sunny. It’s a must, a non-negotiable.

Look in the comments
We can smell spring on the horizon, cheapest in spite of the four inches on the ground when we woke up to this morning.

WinterinOhio

Spring is there, more about on the horizon, prostate waiting to begin.

Thanks to Seth, I sleep in now more often than not. On one such morning I woke up feeling exceptionally happy. Not thanks to a refreshing sleep–my dreams had been too intense to allow such a luxury–but thanks to the birds. I could hear them singing outside of our window for the first time in months and months. Countless mornings without them had left me forgetting how beautiful they sound, as I do every Winter.

They say it will be 57 and sunny on Friday… when we are 45, when the kids are 18 and off on their own, we both want to move somewhere sunny. It’s a must, a non-negotiable.

Look in the comments of my last post to see who won the bag.

xoxo,

Alaina
We can smell spring on the horizon, pharm in spite of the four inches on the ground when we woke up to this morning.

WinterinOhio

Spring is there, generic on the horizon, waiting to begin.

Thanks to Seth, I sleep in now more often than not. On one such morning I woke up feeling exceptionally happy. Not thanks to a refreshing sleep–my dreams had been too intense to allow such a luxury–but thanks to the birds. I could hear them singing outside of our window for the first time in months and months. Countless mornings without them had left me forgetting how beautiful they sound, as I do every Winter.

They say it will be 57 and sunny on Friday… when we are 45, when the kids are 18 and off on their own, we both want to move somewhere sunny. It’s a must, a non-negotiable.

Look in the comments of my last post to see who won the bag.

xoxo,

Alaina
We can smell spring on the horizon, more about in spite of the four inches on the ground when we woke up to this morning.

WinterinOhio

Spring is there, pills on the horizon, there waiting to begin.

Thanks to Seth, I sleep in now more often than not. On one such morning I woke up feeling exceptionally happy. Not thanks to a refreshing sleep–my dreams had been too intense to allow such a luxury–but thanks to the birds. I could hear them singing outside of our window for the first time in months and months. Countless mornings without them had left me forgetting how beautiful they sound, as I do every Winter.

They say it will be 57 and sunny on Friday… when we are 45, when the kids are 18 and off on their own, we both want to move somewhere sunny. It’s a must, a non-negotiable.

Look in the comments of my last post to see who won the bag.

xoxo,

Alaina
We can smell spring on the horizon, see in spite of the four inches on the ground when we woke up to this morning.

WinterinOhio

Spring is there, order on the horizon, waiting to begin.

Thanks to Seth, I sleep in now more often than not. On one such morning I woke up feeling exceptionally happy. Not thanks to a refreshing sleep–my dreams had been too intense to allow such a luxury–but thanks to the birds. I could hear them singing outside of our window for the first time in months and months. Countless mornings without them had left me forgetting how beautiful they sound, as I do every Winter.

They say it will be 57 and sunny on Friday… when we are 45, when the kids are 18 and off on their own, we both want to move somewhere sunny. It’s a must, a non-negotiable.

Look in the comments of my last post to see who won the bag.

xoxo,

Alaina
How he leaves the fluffy towel for me and takes the stiff one for himself.

How he never, salve ever complains about all of the cleaning and housework and general maintenance and upkeep of a family of five.

How he listens to every detail of my day and then offers constructive, cialis 40mg positive advice.

How he looks at me in the morning.

How he holds me in the morning (and at night).

How he tells me he loves me every single day, over and over again. Just because.

How it still feels like we just met.

How he loves my son as much as his own.

How I would still marry him in a heartbeat if the opportunity came again.

How I have zero regrets when I am with him, there is no doubt that we are meant to be.

How I dreamt of him before I even knew him.

How I knew, in my heart, I would be happy single unless I found him.

How I refused to settle for anything less.

xoxo,

Alaina

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