My littlest one.

This is divine. Motherhood to the tiniest of guys.

To little Foster, I am just “mama”. For that, I am infinitely grateful. While this lasts, this adoring love and endless source of snuggles and nuzzles, I will bask in its innocence. As I help him down his first flight of stairs, as I change his little diaper and ease his aching mouth from impending molars. And as I hug his father tight while holding him in my arms.

All is well here because he is well.

Screen Shot 2014-10-28 at 10.15.47 PM

xoxo,

Alaina

Still blending over here.

Blended families. I hate the phrase, but until we can come up with a better one. There it is.

I have found as a step-mother, that there is very little I can do to control how my step-children feel about me. There are so many elements at play beyond my control that my only choice is to cross my fingers, and hope for the best.

One thing I have learned lately… I can’t parent them the same way.

You can yell at your own kids for leaving their shit all over the house and it’s okay. Well, Benjamin is used to it anyway. He knows that if he leaves a pile of his stuff in the middle of the kitchen floor after school “mom will freak out.” Then he glares at me, tells me I am being mean (rightfully so) and huffs off. But, when I scold Lily and Cohen for the same offense their reaction is looking at me with darted eyes filled with fear. I immediately feel terribly and wish I could recant.

Their relationship with their mother dictates my relationship with them.

This revelation has been like finding a clue in the midst of a dark, dark cave of the unknown. Now there is a little sliver of light to a better understanding and I only hope I can find more and turn on more lights before they are teenagers and all hell breaks loose.

Until then, would you look at this bunch?

TheKids--blended family

All big and stuff. My amazing husband took this picture, running down to capture them on the fence before their first day of fifth and third grades.

xoxo,

Alaina (the evil step-mother).

With child (and partner)

I can officially say, speaking from experience, that having a baby alone is infinitely more challenging than having a baby with a partner. I always fantasized about what it would be like. But at the same time, I remember – I knew being a single mother was easier than being with my ex and in a toxic relationship. I was right in that. For sure.

Here is my parenting pain scale:

- Parenting with a partner (it’s hard and demanding)
– Parenting solo (it’s incredibly hard and demanding)
– Parenting with an asshole (trumps both of the above and then multiply the pain by 100)

I say “parenting with a partner” because parenthood really is a partnership. You have to be on the same page at all times. And if you aren’t, you have to have the capacity to understand each other, forgive each other and move on to the next moment. You have to be able to let each other sleep in, or go out for a night or work without guilt. There are about a million things you need to do for each other to succeed as parents together, but from what I can tell – so early in my co-parenting relationship – all of these things center around trust, respect and love. If you have all three – you’re set. Without one of them – you’re doomed.

In Seth I have found everything I ever dreamed of having in a partner. At night, he wakes up with the baby if I can’t. During the day, he stays home with the kids so I can trot off to the office without worry. And, astonishingly, he never complains, not even on Fridays when he’s just about had it with all of them. And he always, always offers me hugs and love and support – even in my darkest moments he is there for me, unwavering.

To all of the single mamas out there (one day too late) – happy mother’s day and happy father’s day. In many cases, you are both and you deserve two days to celebrate your strength. And no, you are not imagining it, being a single mom is by far one the most challenging things any one person could ever face. Remember to trust yourself, respect yourself and love yourself. Do that first and love with someone else will follow.

And to Seth, you are a treasure among men. I am so lucky to have you… Happy Father’s Day (one day too late).

xoxo

Alaina

Compromises

“Do you think you’d be able to get into another long term relationship if I died?” She asks, paintbrush in hand, priming on the intricate diamond pattern playroom doors.

“Fuck no. I’m gonna grow my beard duck dynasty long, start chain smoking, and Read More…

1 2 3 12  Scroll to top